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By Zach Harper, on April 17th, 2012
Image by Anthony Bain
We have a week and a half left until the regular season is over. It seems like just yesterday David Stern was pointing at Dwyane Wade, Paul Allen was going all guard at Buckingham Palace in the meeting room, and Kevin Garnett was loading up the depositions, subpoenas, and legal pads for a grueling negotiating process. Now? We’re roughly four to seven games away from finishing out a hectic regular season and loading up for an action-packed playoff season that will give everybody enough drama and intrigue to last an entire summer.
Since there are so few teams still fighting for a playoff berth, I decided to lump all of the losers together back into one category and leave the conferences just for those that are still in the race for the postseason. Enjoy your time together, losers!
Onto the rankings! Continue reading “It seems like only yesterday we started… Week 12 Power Rankings!” »
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By Zach Harper, on April 10th, 2012
Image by Anthony Bain
Rankings were missed last week because the leaves started blooming and that gave a sandstorm of pollen to good ole’ Minneapolis. I was sick last week. There is something much harder to adjust to than the weather in Minnesota and that’s the seasonal change that brings on a Nikola Pekovician attack of allergies. It knocked me out last week.
Speaking of knocking out, WE’VE GOT PLAYOFF RACES! I don’t like playing the race card but these playoff races are intense, AMIRITE?! Philadelphia is trying to bow out of the East. Milwaukee has no idea how to take advantage of this polite gesture. The Knicks seem locked into everything now. The Suns are making a real push with Shannon Brown as the starting shooting guard. The Rockets seem like a lock in the West. And we MAY have a new king of the left of the Mississippi River.
Rank em up!
You need Anthony Davis
16. Charlotte Bobcats (7-48, 4-22 home, 3-26 road, -13.1 differential, 15th in the East) Hollinger Playoff Odds: IwonderiftheycouldwintheSEC% Currently: So bad even Michael Jordan is considering not gambling on them Games behind 8th seed: Officially mathematically eliminated with 11 games left
This is the only way to bring fake solidarity back to the Internet! Anthony Davis ends up on the Bobcats and helps them escape the dark clutches of tanking forever. He blossoms into the pterodactyl predator Ethan Sherwood Strauss and Mimi the hamster know he can be and they are able to stop the mercurial Rajon Rondo as long as it’s not on a nationally televised game. Games this week: at Cavs, 4 games in 5 nights (home to Detroit, at Miami then home to Boston, home to Hornets)
15. Kentucky Wildcats (38-2, 16-0 SEC, 18-0 home, 8-1 away, +16.8 differential
Continue reading…
By Zach Harper, on March 27th, 2012
Image by Anthony Bain
Sorry about missing rankings last week during the aftermath of the trade deadline, but I was busy trying to figure out the best way to go into crippling debt by purchasing a car. In the meantime, we got to get a nice fresh look at how teams have adjusted to any changes made and where it puts them in the grander scheme of the playoff push.
We also have seen which teams have punted on the season and are borderline tanking/completely tanking and it’s really obvious. Some people get mad at the idea of tanking but as long as we have a weighted lottery system that promotes and potentially rewards such dastardly motives and decisions, it would be foolish for a team to not take advantage of it, if they feel the playoffs aren’t going to happen.
Onto the rankings! Continue reading “Tanks, ranks and… planks? Week 10 Power Rankings” »
By Zach Harper, on March 13th, 2012
Image by Anthony Bain
The only thing I love better than Hunting Wabbit season is Trade Deadline season. Wait, did I say I love it? I meant that it sucks the living life out of me living life. It’s not that I don’t enjoy change. I love change. I love the changing of the guard or point guard. I love seeing new faces rejuvenate new places. I really enjoy watching new parts of a system getting implemented in a short amount of time that rarely leaves enough time to accomplish the short-term goal of a kick in the pants for a team.
But the rumors make me want to punch the internet in the face. Everything is about to happen. People “hear things” constantly and by hear things I’m guess they mean they read the idea on some message board. Everybody wants to give something up without giving anything of value because it’s the best way to improve your team. So I decided to just make up some deals for each franchise in spirit of what is or isn’t going down on Thursday.
Onto the rankings!
I can’t believe you’ve won that many games
15. Charlotte Bobcats (6-34, 3-15 home, 3-19 road, -13.6 differential, 13th in the East) Hollinger Playoff Odds: HistoricallyGettingAwkward% Currently: So bad it’s making people consider Kentucky vs. the Bobcats Games behind 8th seed: Too many to even count games Okay, I have two trade ideas here. First trade is the Bobcats send Gerald Henderson and Eduardo Najera to the Minnesota Timberwolves for Michael Beasley and a future 2nd round pick. The Bobcats need to hit a homerun on a player and maybe another change of scenery or two will be what puts everything into perspective for Beasley and what he needs to do with his career. If it works
Continue reading…
By Zach Harper, on February 28th, 2012
Image by Anthony Bain
Well… that was SOME All-Star Weekend now, wasn’t it? There were dunks… and a couple of them were in the dunk contest even. There was a celebrity game that probably entertained more than the Rising Stars Game did. Guys showed skilled, Allan Houston showed he can still shoot, Jerry Stackhouse showed he’s still in the NBA, and Kevin Love won the 3-point contest because nobody could break his tie or something.
Now, we’re officially done with the first half of the 2011-12 season and should be looking forward to how this season is going to shape up in terms of where teams are headed. It doesn’t really do any good to rank teams in terms of where they are in the NBA because the top 16 teams aren’t necessarily the teams that will make the playoffs. Since we have to wait until Bill Simmons becomes the NBA commissioner to get that done, we’re now breaking up the rankings by conference as we head for the playoff race. Get excited!
Onto the rankings! Continue reading “Down the stretch we rank! Week 8 Power Rankings” »
By Zach Harper, on February 21st, 2012
Image greatness by Anthony Bain
It’s All-Star Week in the NBA and that means we’re basically at the halfway point of the season for most teams. Instead of giving out MVP, DPOY, ROY, COY and any other of the year awards at the halfway point, I thought it might be better to get an All-Star Weekend theme into this week’s Power Rankings.
For all of the teams, I’ll be naming the team’s All-Star so far this season. I’ll also find a Slam Dunk champ or 3-point champ or some way to fit in a Skills Competition type of highlight or breakdown of a player. At no point will Kenny Smith be yelling “Let’s go home” so don’t worry about that. Just be glad I’m not writing more poetry.
Onto the rankings (and yes I’m trying to kill your computer with all of these videos)! Big thanks to Get Banged On for a great reference point. Continue reading “All-Star Weekend extravaganza spectacular: Week 7 Power Rankings” »
By Zach Harper, on February 14th, 2012
Image by Anthony Bain
What do you do when Valentine’s Day hits and you want to show the one you love the way you feel about them? Some will write their name in the sky, or burn their name into the front lawn. Everybody has their own way of showing it, no matter what the cops, lawyers and judges say is an acceptable minimum distance for you to keep from the one you love at all times.
Other people write poetry about their significant other. I am choosing to write a little poetry about each team or find a Valentine’s Card and let them know just how much I heart them during this truncated and tawdry affair we call the 2011-12 NBA season. Enjoy and Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you. Continue reading “Roses are red, violets are blue; here are some Week 6 Power Rankings for you” »
By Zach Harper, on February 7th, 2012
Artwork by Anthony Bain
In this week’s edition of HoopSpeak Power Rankings, I decided to have a weird conversation with myself. The first half of each team breakdown will be me asking pressing questions about each franchise that have me befuddled. The second half of each team breakdown will be me attempting to answer one or more of these questions.
It’s a lot like watching that crazy guy downtown who wears a burlap coat try to convince himself outloud that aliens invented Jesus in order to crash the stock market but only his blood will cure NBC’s poor ratings. Only it’s about basketball and I’m not wearing a burlap coat or pants. Well, he probably doesn’t wear pants either. I would imagine he does during the winter, but at a certain point the leaves start growing, things get greener and you just can’t restrict yourself with textile chains anymore. See, it’s going to be crazy conversations like that only in basketball form. Enjoy: Continue reading “Q & A time in which I talk to myself: Week 5 Power Rankings” »
By Zach Harper, on January 31st, 2012
(artwork by Anthony Bain)
Perhaps I’ve been a little too negative during the first three weeks of this season. I’ve always been a super positive guy when it comes to the NBA. I love almost every player, think they’re all the best and think most teams are capable of catching a little magic and wonderment as they challenge for an NBA title each year. Okay, very little of that is true. I do like almost every player, but as soon as someone starts discussing them playing outside of my knee-jerk ceiling for them, I must instantly crush their dreams by telling them just how bad their favorite phenom actually really is. I don’t know why I do this. It’s just more of a wanting to be realistic thing.
But this week, I’m going to try something different. I’m going to do my best to be super positive about every team in the league and find nothing but nice things to say about them. I just want everybody to be happy and filled with hope before I tell you how much your favorite team or players suck next week. And with that, here are this week’s power rankings: Continue reading “Let’s get SUPER positive with these: Week 4 Power Rankings” »
By Zach Harper, on January 24th, 2012
I was going to have all of these rankings ready to go this morning by getting a head start on them yesterday. So what happened? I’m pretty sure a Derrick Rose fan poisoned me during my trip in Chicago. Sure it could have been the Truffle Mac N Cheese dawg AND the Tur-Dogging dawg I had from Franks and Dawgs. Ingesting both of those monsters in roughly 15 minutes wasn’t a great idea. But I like to think that at some point, my wine was poisoned due to backlash for not bowing at the feet of 43% field goal percentages last year.
It left me puking my guts out like they were Danny Granger jumpers and wanting to die Sunday night through yesterday evening. Instead of being able to gather my thoughts, I was left alone in a dark hotel room watching a Khloe and Lamar marathon. Not the best day I’ve ever had. With that said, here are the power rankings for week 3: Continue reading “Check out these stupid rankings: Week 3 Power Rankings” »
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